semi charmed life;

2010-08-01T01:40:00.002+08:00

When I tell myself this is the end of it, I'm promising you with all my heart and all I have.
And really, this is the end of the everything. No more, no turning back.

I'm going to bed with this promise, so won't forget come daylight.

2010-06-16T14:40:00.004+08:00

Have been MIA for the longest time ever i know. partly cause i have been blogging somewhere else instead.

Life's been treating me well. G is finishing his exams tmr and it really calls for a celebration! it's been a busy 6 weeks ever since we stepped into the holidays. And tmr'll be a double joy for us!

Think its time to let some truth out. Truth is, I'm not intending to care about what strangers/accquaintances/closed-friends-turned-accquaintances think of me anymore. that's because i lead my own life and as long as i'm happy with what i do, who i'm with and where i go, i see no point in caring about your judgements. and i also realised there's nothing holding me back in the past anymore. i am truly happy because somethings have totally lost their significance and when i look at them again, there're no longer any memories attached to them.

Not much needed to elaborate on this issue anymore. I believe as much as a person goes around hiding the truth, at the end of the day, this piece of truth and conscience will bite him on his back. And what mattered was you know and i know. I guess there's not much need to explain to third parties but then again, nothing about this is my concern anymore. i'll thinking of abandoning this blog because i'm leading a new life and i need these memories no more.

And for all these, I gotta thank some people. People who lent me a helping hand in their own ways and most importantly, K. Thank you for always trying to guide an occasionally lost soul like me. Thanks for being everything he wasn't.

I'm giving thanks.

j

'cause i got time while he got freedom,

2010-05-21T23:43:00.002+08:00

cause when the heart breaks, no it don't break even.

2010-04-30T21:23:00.003+08:00

not very intelligent of me to come online and read about how people are basking in their holidays while misery will only end in 4 days time:(

SIGH. 4th May, you have been clearly marked out on my calender for quite some time.

2010-04-14T00:12:00.001+08:00

Lab manuals and reports are driving me nuts!
I can't even recall what I just read:(

Argh.

Cant wait for thursday to be over, seriously.

2010-03-30T21:40:00.001+08:00

BM presentation is finally over! glad everything went well! guess they call this the after-presentation high:)

love nana, buf and mun!

2010-03-27T17:44:00.004+08:00

Been in a pensive mood lately but I just can't find any appropriate time to do it. The many things I witnessed at both home and school and the many things I heard about others have resulted in many many accumulated thoughts about many issues. I could actually tell someone about it but I'm afraid it'll just make me seem so petty and inappropriate.

Lil fell sick the past few days and I'm worried. Then it struck me hard age has caught up with her and even though she's still fine and bubbly now, I should start prepping myself to face the day she has to leave me for good. I was at the bus stop waiting for my bus to go home last evening and was fine until I saw this couple standing by the bus stop with the girl hugging on to the guy and crying. Sad to say, bad memories came haunting me back again and it really doesn't help when songs-not-meant-to-be-heard-ever-again are playing on the playlist. It really makes me wonder how random a randomised playlist can get. Then I texted you and told you how I'm still so afraid of the feeling when people/things i love leave me.

Been having too many weird dreams, sometimes I really can't differentiate what's real and what's not. I can't say I'm not loved but sometimes I really wonder whether you truly know what I'm facing/going through in my life. And that when there's an extra gain, I'm the last one you would think of or even not at all. I don't know what it is that differentiates me from the rest. My great independence? The superficial appearance that I'm coping really well? You have no right to judge really because you have no idea how I'm struggling just to live like a normal being. This 4 years has really been tiring and I never ever complained to you before, have I? I wish I can have you out of my life so I don't need to know that you are acting like you care. So that I dont have to face so much difficulties broaching up some issues with the others which made me seem all so petty and hostile. But I know its all impossible, because ties like these are un-breakable or thats what they claim. Sometimes I tell myself I should be honoured that you treat me the way you do but on tough and harsh days I just feel so deserted. I don't know if I'm asking for the impossible, but I just want to be treated equally and not be somebody who did you proud despite the minimal effort you took to get me to where I'm today.

Things just seem like a great disappointment lately.

BM presentation and report due this tuesday. AAS and CV reports due these coming 2 weeks as well. TM test 2 next week. And many many nitty stuff to clear too:(

2010-03-26T00:58:00.002+08:00

'I wasn't even sure if I loved you yet. But at that moment, I knew you were different. You weren't like the other guys. You didn't rush me or make me feel bad for pushing you away. You were patient.

Patiently waited for me until I was ready. Ready in every way to have you in my life.'

2010-03-21T14:03:00.003+08:00

Now that I finally have some free time on hand, I have been thinking about certain issues in my life during long journeys. And in fact there's so much I want to talk about but yet I have no idea how and where to start from. Whatever it is, I'm glad I managed to share some of the joys and sorrows in my life with the close ones and it really feels good knowing they are there for you no matter what. That they dont judge and are more than happy to just sit down and listen to my grumblings. Really appreciate the friendships with this group of guys. Its really sweet thinking about the fact that we really watched each other grow up.

And yeah, guess its really pointless getting affected over some issues on certain dates from now on. Afterall, they are just dates which are not even worth reminiscing anymore. I have straightened out my thoughts and I know that I should be focusing on the present and future instead. I was reading through my past entries and I remembered saying something about there's a brand new life awaiting me out there. And so... I have officially taken on the challenge to make this brand new life right this time round.

With that, its now back to report rushing/bm proj essay and whatever shit work that has piled up over the weeks:(

2010-03-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

This anniversary will never be the same.

2010-03-17T19:40:00.001+08:00

because the end of something bad is the start of something good :)

Can't wait for friday to be here now!

2010-03-02T20:30:00.002+08:00

It's moments like these, I feel I want nothing from nobody at all.
I wish I have a hideout.
I wish I have someone to hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay.

do you ever think about me? do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
everytime the phone rings, do you wish it'd be me calling you?

2010-02-02T21:51:00.003+08:00

'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away

I think of you and everything's okay

And Change is the only constant.

2010-01-24T17:03:00.002+08:00

Some people built up walls around not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

Now I clearly know who bothers and who doesn't. Time to cherish those who are real and true to you.

Thanks for just being there:)

2010-01-17T21:49:00.004+08:00

just when you thought things're going well, reality smacks you in the face and show you they're not.

hate it when people so close to you are so f-ing insensitive. and the worst thing is that you dont even know you're losing it all.....

really dont need anyone to judge me.

ARGH. dont even feel like seeing you anytime soon.

2010-01-16T23:06:00.002+08:00

LYDD :D

School's been fine thus far and there hasn't been anything special going on as well except that I'm really tempted to try staying in hall next sem.

I miss spending quality time with the family too.

Love you lil.

2010-01-04T10:23:00.002+08:00

I wish one day I can safely say we fit together.

Brand new year ahead again! Hope 2010 brings more joy and happiness:) 2009's been a ride but the comforting thing is that I have truly learnt a lot about life.

CH trip's coming soon! Can't wait!

2009-12-29T23:54:00.000+08:00

What if I want out now?

2009-12-23T23:49:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for being such a cold woodblock the entire night.
Like I always believe, you really should deserve someone better and that's honestly not a difficult task at all.

Hate what I'm feeling now. Grrrrrrrrr.

2009-12-22T21:24:00.003+08:00

Been thinking about back to blogging religiously again cause I have been reading many blogs and thought it would be nice to actually have something which can recount what happened when I was younger. But it seems like I have passed the phase when I would blog about my daily life and whatever haps along with it. Oh well, we shall see.

And results were out today. It was above my expectations; maybe cause I set a really low target this time round. And.... weird thing was my parents thought I was upset with my results and came in one by one to comfort me, telling me it's already very good and that I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself and blahhhhhhhh. Its really quite queer since they never did anything close to this before and I had to tell them I'm not upset actually. Funny.

This holiday. Its been a rollercoaster really. I haven't been a good daughter, I haven't been a good friend to some. I have been focusing a whole lot on some issues, past and current. Some issues are screwing my mind up and I'm in desperate need to reprioritise my focus in life. Somethings I realise I haven't quite exactly get over as much as I think I had. Some people whom I grew to treasure and love more while watching some drift away. People come, people go. Everyday has been whizzing past and these few days have been good with the special people in my life:) We have spent last night and today together and it was a revival of our post A's days and it felt really good. Fat sluts anthems sang in unison and good food shared along with major bitching/catching up sessions. Love this group of people and food and mj wouldn't be the same with anyone else:)

The usuals. Another group of people whom I'm steady with for a damn long time. Friends whom I know I can count on and they were there for me when I needed them. Not much spoken but we know how much everyone of us appreciate each another despite laughing and getting pissed off by one another at times.

BUF. Nothing much needed to be said cause she's always there for me when I needed someone to talk to, be it serious or nonsense. School would probably be really shitty without her company and thanks for making things so much better buf! you know I'm always here for you too and I love you much:) Thanks for understanding me so well and know how I feel even when I don't breathe a word sometimes.

JJ. Another friendship of 8 years which I really treasure. Thanks for being someone so steady I know I really can count on no matter what. Really a significant someone who did so much to pull me up together when I was down and out. No words can express how thankful I'm for everything you have done for me and for us. I know our friendship will last a lifetime:)

K. I know you don't even know about the existence of this blog but despite the short amount of time we actually got to know each other, I dare say you're someone I would turn to when I'm down and when all I need is a listening ear. Thanks for never giving up on me all these while:)

DT. My fellow major big fan of Sheldon:) You're somebody I can really connect to and speak my mind without qualms and a big thankyou for being special the way you are, for the constant encouragements and advices you gave and for the jokingly establised pact you made just to cheer me up. I'll miss you when you are gone for the next few months:(

Vera. Never found anyone sharing such a similar life like I do and I'm really really awfully thankful we had each other through the bad times and hopefully the good ones too! Thanks for making me see things I fail to see and I'll always be there for you when you need someone okay! Love you much:)

And many more people whom I like to mention but I haven't meet up with them! So till then, I will do another update again before the year ends:)

2009-12-17T23:33:00.003+08:00

Thank you for everything.

And the solitary moments make me wanna come back home.

I miss lil. I hope she loved the fishballs I brought for her yesterday. Come back home to us you poor girl.

Life's been pretty complex lately. And results are gna be out really soon, which means holidays are ending.

I need to meet up with more people before the school rush again.

Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away?

2009-12-08T13:14:00.002+08:00

Life's been pretty happening these days. Some days I just wished I can have more time on hand, so that good times can last longer. But then again, its always the insufficient time we spent together which makes us look forward to the next meetup isn't it? And seems like much time will be set aside for the usuals this hols, all for the final reunion before we continue to move on and fight for our different dreams. Really glad I feel like home when I'm with this bunch of people, I think I can even call them my brothers (due to the lackof brotherly love at home). My really steady steady friends:) and I'm pretty sure the rest feel the same way too.

Nad's cocktail 21st party this fri! Time to wreck over what to wear again. See that's the problem with themed parties.

I had a really crazy crazy night a few days back I still can't believe it.

2009-12-04T23:29:00.001+08:00

I think I'm not leading a life a normal 21 year old should be.

Feel like giving it all up.

And dont judge, dont ask me why.

2009-12-03T00:13:00.003+08:00

Its sad how I'm running away from many issues on my hand right now.
To think I was the never the kind who would coward away from problems.
I wish I have the courage and I wish you are back here with me.

Never thought I will ever say this, but I miss you.

2009-11-16T23:29:00.003+08:00

I have and am going to let go of a lot of things.
I really hope its all good and that I won't regret any decision I have made.

tell me everything's gonna be okay.

2009-11-05T19:39:00.003+08:00

All I really want for you is to feel me,
As the feeling inside keeps building

2009-10-28T19:56:00.003+08:00

Haha just realised the recent posts have been all about love and I should really snap out of it and start focusing on my work. Found many many nice songs admist all the studying and I totally love night drives:) Last night's been bad but I was really thankful for everything that happened.

I guess when it comes, it comes. And I wished everything can be within my control too.

Was I too young to see this with my eyes?

2009-10-26T00:19:00.002+08:00

What does it mean to fall in love?
I think I have lost it, completely.

2009-10-21T19:11:00.009+08:00

It’s always easy to fall in love but hard to stay in love.

School's been driving me pretty mad. Projects, assignments, reports, tests, never ending deadlines.

For the past 3 weeks, a lot have filled my mind and one day I woke up, everything was gone. Every single emotion attached to it just disappeared which was pretty relieving to be honest. It was good to happy and carefree that way:) But these days, the same old thoughts came creeping up my mind again and it really sucks. I really need a HTHT soon and weirdly enough, I think someone unrelated will be good.

Amazing how someone can have so influence over you, you seemed to have lose yourself.

By the way, HAPPY HAPPY 23rd Des! Hope you liked the little surprise we gave you! And thanks for this friendship! :)

2009-10-12T19:16:00.002+08:00

My sister's Keeper tmr with B and S!

I'm prepared to bawl out my eyes for that.

Its funny how you manage to push my emotions right through a rollercoaster ride.
If only time stood still. I would do anything to relive that day.

And today when I was on my way home from school, something freaky happened to me. Even B thinks so. Really hope it will never happen again cause I'm quite freaked out!

Elearning week is over and I'm still struggling with the millions of webcasts to watch :(

2009-10-08T16:39:00.003+08:00

And so the next time when you forget you are Blair Waldorf, remember, I'm Chuck Bass and
I love you.

I will literally melt if any guy says this to me hahahahaha.
ooooohhh and i love chuck!

okay this is such a bimbotic post.

2009-10-08T10:12:00.001+08:00

I think I would call this the danger of a broken heart.

2009-10-04T00:16:00.002+08:00

And who's going to be the one catching me when I tumble and fall again?

The hypocrisy of people; I really can't take it.

Yet, I'm smiling cause I have to.

Really, what is the world coming to?

And sometimes talk is really downright cheap.

Some friends fight to protect you, while some open up pits and throw you right in.

Ha, again.

Another moment of thinking too much.

I should just stuff my face in my notes and shut it.

2009-09-29T22:04:00.001+08:00

Had a really memorable 21st :) will be back to update in 2 weeks time!

2009-09-26T20:40:00.002+08:00

I think...
its never good to know too much of anything.

And where am I going to find answers to these unanswered questions that are boiling inside me?

I think I really need a sign.

2009-09-24T20:47:00.006+08:00

There's some things we don't talk about

Rather do without

And just hold the smile

I wish you knew.

Recess week is coming to an end. And, I'm pretty stressed out now by the many unchecked tasks in my organiser. On a sidenote, my birthday party was awesome! I'm really glad it turned out better than expected. This year's been a ride, and I hope everything good will begin from here on. I want to do a post on my party but I dont have the time! I'm feeling so unprepared for school all over again, main reason cause I had too much fun over the weekend.

There's so much I want to say but I have lost my ability to express. And some things... I think I really asked for them myself. Some days I wish I'm void of emotions. Then I wouldn't think, wouldn't ponder, wouldn't get upset.

Have been seeking solace in music lately. And actually I have always been. Just love how I can relate to some songs and vice versa. I love music; it really does wonders for me emotionally. Yet unfortunately, when some songs which used to hold sweet memories are on the playlist, I wished I didnt have the music on.

I apologize for all these random thoughts. I have been thinking a whole lot again recently. And maybe that explains the lethargy before lecture notes day by day.

Okay I really need to get my act up again. I really shouldnt let these thoughts rule my mind anymore. I have got no time to waste.

I'm going to wake up to a better day tmr :)

2009-09-15T10:38:00.004+08:00

"i have been struggling for four years what some people struggle their entire lives with, being in love with someone you cant seem to be with. I have come to realize in these past four years, that love is not as hard as some people make it to be. When you are in the infinite state of infatuation, a feeling no word or emotion could ever come close to describing, you feel as though this life is worth living. And when you lose it, its unreal. Its a pain i cant describe. Every muscle in my body tenses and my heart pounds so hard i feel like it will kill me. The thing i have learned most, is that this pain proves to me that my heart and felt a happiness i may never feel again. I now know from my suffering that the time period in which i did feel this happiness was worth it. There are few moments in life in which i believe we find true happiness, a moment in which everything stands still and every emotion thought or worry is gone, and your a single soul floating in a world of ecstasy. Its a feeling i wouldnt trade for anything. There is no real conclusion to this, because its undescribable. I do know, that this pain i have felt, this feeling of hopelessness only shows me, i did once fall in love. And every ounce of faith in me, is devoted to the thought of reliving the happiness.

I will always have hope.
-anonymous"

2009-09-10T22:49:00.000+08:00

Because things will never be the same;

I'M SO SLEEPY
but I have tons of things to read up on and do.
I'm in the midst of churning up a report single-handedly and I dont want to do it anymore:(

I met Mum and Sis for dinner today. Nice and cosy. Plus some grocery (junk food) shopping after that. And we're all hooked onto durian pancakes! I think my Mum's slowing evolving into my sis and I. No one knows, cause no one has seen how crazy my Sis and I are at home. Even my mum calls us crazy sometimes. But seems like today, she joined in the fun! I love my family, plus my cutesy Lina!

I have lab tmrrrrrrrrr. brrrrrrrrrr. But hey, its going to be a short one. Hoping to leave during lunch time and then I'll meet JJ for some mission. YAY oh YAY. and then its a weekend all over before the last school week prior to recess week. OH MY time has flown by and it feels like school has just started.

okay time to hit the sack. goodnight world. and hello to a better day tmr:)

After your heartless choice of walking away

2009-09-03T21:02:00.000+08:00

And because I was feeling under the weather today, I ate a hell lot.

:(

Now, what comes to your mind first when you see a red sky?

2009-08-24T21:21:00.000+08:00

You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess

And that was indeed beautiful.

2009-08-23T00:51:00.002+08:00

I wish you don't have to go

I thought we could wait for the fireworks

I thought we could wait for the snow

And spend every moment I have with you

Stay up all night with the stars

Confess all the faith that I had in you

And SM, that's for you. I miss you already :(

2009-08-20T19:01:00.000+08:00

And we are always better together :)

Guess who?
HAHA I will be back soon.

2009-08-17T23:04:00.006+08:00

Because you made me see things I never saw;

And show me how beautiful this life can be.

Thank you aplenty.

2009-08-16T01:15:00.003+08:00

Tonight's been pretty relaxing. We went for Ebenezer's Choices at Touch Centre and it was good. Heard some meaningful and really inspiring songs which almost made me teared there and then.

I'm just glad I have awesome friends who have never failed to show me the right way. I really do learn from them, a whole lot to be exact and these appreciations are felt deep down in my heart.

'From my broken heart to yours' is a lovely song.

Choices made; Choices to be made.
Heartbreaks and trials, be strong and fight it.

One day, we will all get there.

2009-08-10T01:34:00.002+08:00

I just got back from my maternal family gathering and it was really nice meeting up admist our busy lives. It was really the highlight of the week, other than last night's brewerkz which was quite awesome as well. I really wished I am blogging the way I did last time, when details of outings were given and positive emotions were evident and included cause as you should realise by now, I only blog when I'm feeling overwhelmed/ think too much.

Today's gathering was really heartwarming. Guess it was nice to see everyone trying to open up and catch up:) Had an impromptu birthday celebrations for the august/september and october babies as well. Anddd... I had the worst nightmare at parallel parking. Hahahaha.

The night ended off with the cousins sitting in the house and watching our parents and grandma having hthts at the porch. Mum was talking most of the time, with tears rolling down almost everyone's face. I couldnt hear their conversations but I kind of figured what she was confiding in them. I saw their tears and my heart ached momentarily. I love my mum but sometimes I really hate myself for being such a lousy daughter. Really, but I'm trying. I want to be the one to stop her tears from rolling down anymore. But no matter what, we are going to press on together and be a happy family.

BAHHHHHH I'm just feeling a void in my heart now. The highlights of the week have been over so I guess its really time I start facing the fact that school's starting.

And because I looked through the photos, I realise you are not there anymore.

2009-08-08T00:19:00.002+08:00

I should really just follow my heart when making decisions.
And stop pretending you know me damn well cause obviously you don't.

Why am I a Libran and why do I care so much about others' feelings?
It really gets weary at times.

I'm alive, but I'm losing all my drive.

2009-08-06T00:36:00.007+08:00

I have quit fighting so damn hard, because I believe what should come will come. It scares myself to realise how much my perspectives have changed just this holidays. Honestly, I personally feel like I have been thrown back to where I was 4 years back and I'm picking up from where I left off. I feel like a changed person. And let me know if you feel it too.

It's like taking a guess, when the only answer is yes.

2009-07-26T23:06:00.001+08:00

And why do I still care?
After so many times I told myself I'm the only one who can make myself feel better.

"It's not worth anything anymore"
I know, I clearly know that.

I wish there is just someone out there I can pour out my thoughts to, everything without any qualms at all.
I really shouldn't be so hard on myself anymore.

Sometimes all I want is to be a missing person for a day.

2009-07-24T14:54:00.003+08:00

Today's my last day of attachment at NCHS and it was an awesome experience.

I'm missing it so freaking much now. I'll miss waking up at ungodly hours, miss the students, teachers/mentors and my dear colleagues.
And the cheap and good canteen food.

Oh oh oh and the ogling times at a cute physics teacher hahahaha. okay i think i'm sounding like a deprived school girl.

This attachment has be really fufilling and it really has further affirmed my decision to be a teacher. I want to be back there for my practicum. I wish I wish I wish.

2009-07-22T21:33:00.006+08:00

I actually have a lot to say, but when I'm here I feel stuck. Anyway, this is going to be one kind of reflective entry. Been feeling and realising a lot lately. Perhaps its cause of the new friends I made during work. Or perhaps many things have happened and they made me realise the many ugly sides of human beings. Then I'll start being self-conscious and wonder if there's such a possibility that some of my actions/behaviour have led to the same impression people may have of me. I have been judgemental lately and its not doing me good so far.

I dont know; things change, people change. But why does it feel like I'm the only one who's stuck at the same spot while the whole world's moving ahead? Haha before anyone thinks I'm getting too emotional over the breakup again, I better clarify this. I'm not, or I should say even if I'm emotional right now, it isn't because of the breakup. Just feeling a little laid back or like what des said, I'm getting a little too lagged.

Seeing some people being happy with their lives now, I tend to start asking myself "What do I really want in my life right now?" Then I will start putting myself in their shoes and try to imagine if I will be as happy as them and more often than not, I cant help but feel a little afraid for them. Maybe it’s because of what I have been through, the definition of Happiness seems fleeting to me now. It’s like a ‘One moment you have it, and by the next, it’s gone’. But the funny thing is, ironically, I have learnt to count the slightest blessings and little kind gestures from people have been able to make my day. Anyhow, just hope everyone will get their truly deserved happiness.

Work’s been fun though tiring and working with different people made me learnt some lifelong skills as well. Sometimes when I think I have become too overbearing when doing our project, I would stop and reflect on what I have just said. And it gets quite tiring trying to figure out if I have offended anyone in the process and thus far, I don’t really think so. Haha or so I hope. I met JJ yesterday and during our great chat on our way home, I told her about my new-found admiration for people (men to be exact hahaha) who actually have goals in life. Don’t get me wrong, there’s no potential someone I met from work, it’s just a generic realization that I have concluded.

There are still some heart-tugging issues I have in my mind but guess I will just leave it till the next time. Oh and before I end, Des and I sat through the science department meeting today and only then I realized teachers are also human beings, and that behind closed doors, no one is there to judge their behaviour or actions. And most importantly, humans have feelings and I really can’t blame myself for thinking and feeling so much. I’m fine, I’m good, I’m at ease but realising that I'm in fact quite a deep thinker scares me sometimes. Perhaps it’s cause I used to have someone to share these thoughts with, and now that he’s gone, I tend to bottle things up. But if I view it optimistically, it’s actually good in a way I get to learn how to deal with such emotions and honestly, it almost feels like I’m 10 years older just this holiday. My life has transformed, my thinking has matured by quite a bit and most importantly, I’m given a chance to step back and see what Life has to offer for me. Last 4 years of my life have been quite a blur and now, I’m glad I managed to see the bigger picture and I know I’m indeed better off this way. You know what, it’s a brand new life awaiting for me out there and I am challenged to make it right this time.

2009-07-10T14:39:00.002+08:00

I'm back again!

Been meaning to blog for the longest time ever but my laziness just got into me and yup.... Anyway I dont think I have mentioned about the extraordinary fun trip to Bintan a while back. will post pictures soooon though most are already up on FB. Great company, great fun and it all translated to incredibly great memories!

Work at NCHS has officially started and I dont know why I was dreading it so much the day before I started because now I secretly like going for work! Hahaha other than the MOE scholars, we have the company of the NTU students who are there for industrial attachment as well. And like what Dion said, I think we should already count ourselves really lucky to have collegues who are fun loving and the school's just a stone's throw away from our homes. So when I think its about to rain, we would dash home just so to avoid the rain.

And.... I just wanted to thank all those who stood by me through the past 2 months. I have certainly learnt a lot about friendships, relationships, family and who I really am. This may sound really silly but I'm thankful for this spate of events in a way or so, for letting me realise what are important and whats not, for letting me realise the true friends whom I have neglected, and most importantly to really understand what I really want in my life. So, thank God for these people (both family and friends. if I ever talked to you about it, then you are one of them!), for being there when I needed someone and for making me whole again.

Words just cant describe my heartfelt appreciation and I'm sincerely thankful for every single one of them.

xoxo

2009-07-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

I miss Bintan. A whole lot.
And whatever emotions I experienced along with that.

Time to snap out of this whirlpool of emotions. It's getting annoying.

Let's wake up to a better tomorrow.
I know you'll be somewhere out there :)

If it's a broken part, replace it.
If it's a broken arm then brace it.
If it's a broken heart then face it.

2009-06-19T00:12:00.001+08:00

In the night I hear 'em talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul,
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
oh, how could you be so heartless?

How apt.

2009-05-26T01:18:00.000+08:00

And I forgot when was the last time I was really happy.

2009-05-24T16:30:00.002+08:00

I never felt this lonely ever before.
Some days I can, and there are days like this I cant do it.

You know people always say you lose some, you gain some.
But I just feel that I have lost almost everything and gain nothing at all.

Was this really supposed to be good?
Then tell me why are tears still flowing down now?

I'm scared. I'm in pain.

Really, just take me away. I'm tired.

2009-05-11T23:29:00.002+08:00

Havent been feeling good, thanks a lot for asking.

2009-05-06T19:57:00.003+08:00

The new episode of GG was more breath-taking than usual. It hasnt been good for a long time and I must say I was a little amazed by the recent story plot. B and C should just be together.

B: Every time I try to move on, you're right there. If it's real, we'll figure it out, all of us. But if it's not, then please, Chuck, just let me go.
C: It's just a game. I hate to lose. You're free to go.

----

S: Chuck, why did you just do that?
C: Because I love her, and I can't make her happy.

Ooooooh ok this was the scene that blew me away. It was honestly, touching.

Been at home for the past 2 days, spending some quality time with myself, thinking through stuff, and basically just spamming all the tv serials I have neglected over the entire school semester.

I'm not quite used to my new tan (from sentosa) and now whenever I look into the mirror I feel... weird and maybe uglier than ever (haha!) since I havent been exercising much for a really long time. So this holiday I shall make a point to exercise more and regain that level of fitness I used to have... a long time ago.

Seems like I am beginning to blog religiously again? We shall see.

2009-05-05T12:12:00.003+08:00

Its really been a long time since I was last here. Anyway, another sem has passed before I know it and honestly I'm growing so tired of sch I wish I would graduate soon:( Oh well, now that the long awaited hols is here, I better make sure I enjoy myself to the max before the next school nonsense comes again. 1st weekend after exams was well spent with the usuals for wolverine, pat's party and sentosa yesterday! Sentosa turned out better than expected but I'm currently having muscle aches almost everywhere from the volleyball-frisbee-volleyball we had.

/edit the area around my left eye hurts from the elbowing during volleyball and the direct hit from the frisbee yesterday:( it kind of feels swollen.

I dont know if its because of the over-activities the past few days, I'm feeling a little blue now:( But I shouldnt be feeling this way since I have waited damn long for this holidays to arrive. Alright lets not be emo and cherish every moment of this hols! Oh and did I mention our HK trip got cancelled because of the damn swines? What a fantastic start to the holidays.

2009-03-18T15:44:00.004+08:00

Not exactly the nicest picture of us, but thats not the point haha.

HAPPY 4th Dearest!

And to many more splendid years to come!

Love you sweet :)

2009-01-16T15:45:00.002+08:00

I finally met up with Y after school today! Its been so long since I had a great girlie htht with anyone and today was really enjoyable! we talked a whole lot we have missed out on each other's life and they made me come to sense about some issues which is good. sweet. i think its great although there's still a lot for me to learn.

I bought my books at a substantial discount today, courtesy of mk of course. spec lecture was bad and crappy but I think i'll go for them and make something out of it. have just finished wrapping my books and I guess I'm therefore ready and settled for school? or not? we shall see.

Anyway, I'm in the mood for some wii fun now. Especially guitar heroes! which I think its weird that I suck more at guitar than the drums. Damn. My fingers are itching:(

The latest episode of gossip girl was not very exciting and this is going to sound bimbotic but I think I secretly like chuck bass. Girls and our fantasies. Oooooh.

I was looking at the photos from the countdown at auch's on facebook and I'm missing the fun we had the entire night/morning. especially during the old folks chinese tea session and all the camwhoring.

Okay this content of this post is really random. And I dont know if I should continue to blog here anymore because I have already moved but I dont exactly feel like revealing the new url though I must say its really easy to guess.

Oh well, time for a nap. Till the next!

2009-01-04T20:30:00.004+08:00

New year countdown at ah hei's place! It would be perfect if chris and yap were present, and that will be the Usuals at full attendance, coming together for a countdown! I was browsing through the photos we took over the years and I realised we have been through 3 countdowns together. And its amazing we have all changed over these few years and how different groups of us embarking on the next journey of our lives. Guess this group of people are really special to me; 8 years of friendships with the girls and a bunch of guys whom I feel very comfortable with. Cheers to these great friendships!

Finally met up with the people of a decade friendship last night. We didnt do much except for chilling, catching up and making a joke out of ______ at starbucks. Anyway I guess only these few of us are actually comfortable with meeting up and we made a pact to take turns to organise more outings! I prefer meeting up in smaller groups since that will minus away the moments of awkward silence which is inevitable in larger meet ups. Love my sps friends! HOHOHO.

2008-12-29T18:46:00.003+08:00

I realised, in Life you really need to fight for your chance before others shamelessly rob you of what you should have deserved:( And I was still thinking of giving us a chance to salvage this situation/friendship; now I'm just gna forget about this altogether and concentrate on enjoying whatever that's left in the hols and decide my modules by tonight. This bidding thing is honestly cracking me up. And my right arm is hurting from the Wii last night.

I think I'll hate school when it starts.
I miss you :(

2008-12-27T15:05:00.007+08:00

People I have been hanging out with this holidays. And of course, there's the usuals too but no photos for that. Anyway, Christmas was spent with family in JB and BP in Malaysia and I'm glad the trip ended off on a good note because it started really badly. Okay lets not dwell on the sad stuff and look forward to the upcoming festive ocassions! Its scary how another year is going to pass yet again and we are all one year older and supposedly, wiser too. 2008 has been a busy year with school and now I'm mentally prepped for the same academic rush in 2009. New tuition assignments coming up in the new year too.

You know what, I'm stuck. I dont know what else I should blog about anymore and I need to call ter up to make plans for today! Till the next time then!

2008-12-08T23:09:00.002+08:00

I was attempting to blog about the past few months of my life a few days ago but I guessed I gave up because I'm too lazy to (whats new). Anyway, holidays've been good going out everyday and today's my 1st day at home ever since the 1st! I'm tired of the late nights I have been having so I decided to rest at home instead. Okay enough of ramblings. Mum said its been quiet at home, without my sis and I at home most of the time. Well, it is going to be the last night I have to sleep alone because Juv Chan is finally coming back from London tmr! I need a getaway too! Many things have happened and they made me realise the fragility of relationships and friendships. I feel like having a htht with someone close but I have no idea who. I think I should head to bed instead. And I'm a tad hungry too:(

All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
we're better off this way

2008-12-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

I'M BACK!

yay everything's finally over and i'm really glad i incredibly survived through this whole shitty-beyond-what-words-can-describe mugging and exam period. Maybe the A's could have been comparable to what i just went through? But heck its all over and its about time I get a life and hang out like never before. I'll do a proper post about all i can remember about this sem (though most of them constitutes more bad memories than good) soon but right now, i need to get at least a 15 hrs of sleep to make up for the aftermath of exam stress. i think i look too hideous to go out and face people. HAHAHA okay I am really happy that I, FINALLY do not have to wake up to my damn alarm clock and jumping out of bed ocassionally thinking I'm late for my papers!

Goodnight!
YAY BABY.

2008-11-10T22:37:00.002+08:00

PC1323 is finally over! So that's a module down from the finals! I'm going to start intense mugging tomorrow. I need to, anyway. I love the song, Stranger. Actually I love Secondhand Serenade. Got back our landscape project and its disappointing and I can tell buf is really upset. Argh looks like I have to S/U it already.

Ter got back his pink IC today! Congrats!

Time to hit the bed to make up for the loss of sleep the past few days!

And all these thoughts are leaving you tonight.

2008-10-31T21:29:00.003+08:00

I realised some friendships are closer in some semesters. And I realised also, that this is not only happening to me but to few others as well. oh well. I think I should actually stop gossiping and bitching so much in school. But these are some of the things in my life that is keeping me sane. Finals are coming; I should get myself prepped up for it. Only 4 papers this semester, and I am really thankful for the non-examinable module though we are still working on the 40% project due next week and there's like another test in the last week of school:( I'm busy paraphrasing all my sentences etc. because there's a stupid program called turn it in which condemns plagarism. ARGH. its irritating but I'm doing it because I really dont feel like starting on my revision. I think I'm just trying to find excuses for myself, to run away from the heap pile of work I have:( and its this time of the sem again, when I cant wait for 1st dec to come!

Okay I just need to face the reality and start my revision going soon.
Haha so much for this inspiring thought because I am most likely going to pon tmr's make up lecture at a freaking 9am. I feel like a joke.

______'s been pissing me off. Big time and its kind of turning me (and some others) too. Eew.

Actually honestly, I feel like school work is killing me so school is actually NOT fine at all. To me at least it isnt. But anyway, I would still very much like to get through everything decently and I will not let anything get me down. Lets feel the urgency!

This post feels funnay. Pardon me as I feel like I'm actually talking to myself. Hahaha.

2008-10-23T20:27:00.002+08:00

SIGH I'm really quite worried for the stupid landscape project due next tues. because personally I feel its still not up to standard but there's not much time left and everyone else has so much work to do :( you know what, I think I'm not quite cut out for projects. Stupid phy project which is of a damn 40% due in 2 weeks time is killing me too. Our 1st draft is somewhere in the thin air, nowhere to be seen. Not to forget, the researching work has been a bitch too. Great.

I hate shabby work. I want to watch High School Musical. I want to go swimming. I need to exercise. I want to eat good food. I want to go town. I want to get these shit projects over. I want to have more time. I need to start my revision.

Mum's off to Malaysia, again:( for a day's tour with my aunt's family. So I have to prepare dinner for Lina tmr. Hope she'll like her food:) She's a cute monster.

2008-10-14T10:45:00.003+08:00

Its finally all over for now, though disgustingly I still have another phy test coming up on monday. I really miss life in year 1. Life is tough for us now and I just hope I'll have enough energy to deal with the next 6 weeks or so before the finals and holidays are here. HATE SCHOOL. Its been a month since I can sleep in without worries and not having to wake up to my alarm and there's many many things I havent done in ages as well. I'm not hoping much for my grades this sem and just pray hard I'll do decent. SIGH this is scary:(

2008-09-29T20:34:00.002+08:00

Its my birthday and I'm feeling ______.

But still, I still want to thank everyone for their well wishes. I did feel loved. And ter is just... way beyond..... a cup of saturated sugar solution. I can never ever match up. Haha.

I hope 9th oct comes like now. Besides friends and loved ones, everything else in my life has plunged deep down to the core. Honestly I do not enjoy doing all these shit at all. It just too much for me to take it, and I'm sure everyone else will agree to this too. Today we were chatting and Nad told me her schedule for the next few weeks to come, needless to say, it's really gonna be mind gruelling for her to handle all these work. OMG I really need a break. A good long break :(

2008-09-26T23:07:00.002+08:00

Hello world. Havent blog in ages; so much have happened during this time but I actually dont know where and how to start. Anyway, Ter was gone in thailand and now he's back, sm came and left. I was busy and sadly still busy with school:( This recess week felt worse than any other school break with so many mid term tests and projects and reports to do:( Meetups with friends were compromised so much even though I really wanted to meet them. These 5 weeks without ter made me learnt a lot about myself, both good and bad ways I suppose. Okay I dont know what else to say anymore so I'm going to try hit the books and hopefully try to get something by tonight.

2008-09-03T21:18:00.003+08:00

I dont know when was the last time I actually cried because I'm feeling damn upset. Cause right now I'm and I dont know how I can stop tears from flowing down my cheeks. The moment I stepped home, my mum got agitated over my messy room. Comments here and there and finally she said, 'free only, sleep'. And that started it all. Of course I rebutted but the more I did, my voice became shakier and I couldnt control my tears. I actually told her if she thinks studying's that easy, I will be happy to et her take over my place. Then I went to shower and thought through a whole lot. Seriously I'm feeling damn hurt, even till now. You know I had a really really tiring day in school today. I really dont know why I'm doing all these for. Why am I studying hard so I can continue with my teaching award, so I can graduate with a decent honours for a better future? Why do I even make an effort to force myself out of my bed every saturday and sunday so that I can earn my own pocket money and not spending a single cent of yours? But when I'm napping cause I'm tired from studying, you see me as loafing around. Perhaps if all these happened on a normal school day I wouldnt be feeling so emotional and upset and I may even joke about it cause I really dont think this is what I deserve after standing for almost 7 hours non stop in the damn lab today. I'm so mentally exhausted; I was really just looking forward to some peace at home but no. Thanks a lot mum. You totally made my day, though there's not much left of it.

Okay I have stopped tearing, finally. I'm so tired, both mentally and physically.

2008-08-28T23:37:00.002+08:00

I'm tired; physically and mentally tired from school.
And tons of work are piling, killing me.

I want to rest now but there's so much noise going on outside.
Sometimes I really hate where I am and what I have.
So emo, I'll remove this soon.

2008-08-26T12:37:00.003+08:00

Just got home from a visit to the vet with lina the doggie. I thought of just updating this space for now since I dont think I will have the time to do it after this week:( Lab's gna start tmr and I'm dreading it and complaining about it like mad. The thought of it is just going to ruin my day:(

Had phy test yesterday and I dont know what came over me, I kinda screwed it up. Like the prof was just going through the question and when the exact same question came out for the test, I decided to act smart and do something else (partly cause I cant remember how to do it haha). How intelligent. Then as I was walking home in the slight drizzle, I thought of ter. Of how he once said 'smart then smart, dont act smart' (direct translation from hokkien) to his mum and that made me smiled.

I'm sick of school. I wanna just stay at home and rot. I miss the holidays. I miss you.

When's 25th Sept coming? It feels like ages though its been only less than a week. Come back come back, I have lots to tell you!

2008-08-21T21:33:00.003+08:00

I finally got my ass down to wrap up my org book because I really need to start reading up on all my lectures. Been really lost during lects ever since school started and I know thats cause I have been trying my best to spend whatever time left I had with ter. The past 2 days were spent with him wholly and we really enjoyed ourselves. Parting was... loserish on my part because I still teared last night even though I made a little pact with myself and tried really hard to fight back my tears. Now I'm really convinced I'm emotional.

He left today and I didnt send him off at the airport though it was an afternoon flight. I didnt send him off when he enlisted into tekong last jan either and the reason is because I dont think I have enough courage to watch him go right in front of everybody. Quite a weakling haha. I sat through my lectures from 8-6, having breaks occasionally. Friends were there for good company and their presence really helped to take some things off my mind.

You know I'm missing you alot right now.
:(

2008-08-14T23:24:00.003+08:00

Surprisingly, school was really not bad today. Anat bright and early after breakfast with kj, then it was PC which was really slack because all we did was to watch indiana jones and star wars and it only lasted for 40mins! Lunch, org lect, which's still a mad rush throughout and we really do have problems catching up :( Followed by a 2hrs break, so we had tea time and at the same time, gossip a whole lot. Ended the day off with Phy which was really demoralising. I think I need to start bucking up, and kj has got meall of us stressed, big time:(

I went home with nad and it was a good chat on our way back. I think she's so funny to talk to so fun:)

My eyes are tired from the tv since I got home and I need to hit the sacks about soon.

I actually have a lot to say but I cant remember anything now. Till the next time then!

And its exactly a week more to go.

2008-08-13T14:03:00.002+08:00

School has started but I'm totally not in the mood to head to sch, totally not looking forward to lectures. School on Monday was abrupt, because I was still out till wee hours on sunday night and only then I realised I have notes to print and I was dead tired and a little under the weather. 8-6 in school on Monday and it really was a killer for kj and i. And its 8-6 tomorrow again:(
School's depressing though its still so slack.

I showed ter the sad blog, told him my worries and he understood. We hung out last night till late, strolled to icecream chef to find out it was closed so we decided to head to siglap hk cafe for mango pomelo dessert. We talked alot, about our lives, friends, parents and future.
I'm really going to miss him alot when he wont be around for 5 weeks:(

8more days to go.

2008-08-09T23:08:00.003+08:00

2008-08-09T21:32:00.003+08:00

An entire saturday spent at home because
1. I woke up really late
2. _____ were killing me
3. Felt the need to spend time with family and Lina
4. Basically just feeling unwell the whole day

):

I was chatting online with xiaoyan and I think I'll miss her the most when sch starts since we are already on different paths ): Shared some stuff and I'm happy for her. Will be sharing a locker with her in school and I think that'll be cool.

EPC class starts tmr. Good and easy money rolling in, but its still tuition afterall. I still dont know what I'm supposed to be doing so I am just gna pray hard everything goes fine tmr. And meeting ter after that.

The days are counting down themselves.
12 more days.
):

2008-08-06T10:13:00.002+08:00

I woke up really early in the morning to send my sister to school and then back home to chill before setting out for a jog bright and early in the morning. Its been some time since I last jogged in the morning and I do feel fresher after morning jogs as compared to evening jogs. Probably because there are lesser cars on the roads and the air feels a tad more chilly than in the evening. Did my usual jogging routine and half jogged/walked to the newly opened ACC. I explored the place, checked out the mega pools and the gym before strolling home. You know, after checking out the place, I feel so motivated to keep fit again just like how it was like during the after A's period. Its hard to get exercising started but I guess once its a routine, it just comes naturally and I no longer dread exercising as much though the inertia's still there at times haha. Anyway, as I was walking back home, I passed by NCPS and I took a really slow walk, just so I can see the primary school kids playing on the field during their recess, or so I guess. The kids were really bubbly, boys playing soccer, basketball team having their training and some classes were having the PE period. I feel happy looking at such lively kids which made me feel really glad I took up the teaching award. I think kids help to make me feel younger and really, I'm quite looking forward to the day where I will be taking up the teaching role in school. I guess facing kids/teenagers everyday is better than facing, more often than not, blackfaced collegues/bosses all the time in the office. At this point in time, I dont think working in an office is my cup of tea. Not yet, maybe.

This practically summed up how my wednesday morning is like. Morning exercise serves as a mood lifter and I feel so calmed and happy now :) Mum just said to head to gym tmr morning with her, hope it'll be good!

2008-08-05T00:40:00.002+08:00

It could have been better.
And after so much, I finally realised who are the true ones who will stand with you through your ups and downs.
Some are really just so different; like I was telling terence on the phone, perhaps its not meant to be afterall.
I do realise its getting tougher to find people who share similar thinking as you cause I had my fair share.
But its all good.
Cause its going to make me appreciate those close to me and just be glad to know I have them.
I thought back about our chilling times at the bars and starbucks and realised it definitely took more than fate for us to find each other and to share similar opinions most of the time.

And thats the usuals I'm talking about.
I'm beginning to understand jing's theory of 'all different but yet the same'.

I cant wait for timbre/iguana this friday!

2008-08-04T01:03:00.003+08:00

Sis got me to read this blog and it was really sad; tears actually welled up in my eyes. Lots of feelings are overwhelming me right now and I just want to better appreciate the loved ones I have around me. I cant even imagine putting myself in her shoes.

Speaking of which, just 2 more weekends with each other before ter flies off the thailand for 5 weeks. We have talked about it since the time he knew it and suddenly, everything's happening. Honestly I'll be sad but glad he's going because its a good army experience afterall. I told him 'at least your army life wouldnt be in vain' and he gave me a 'are you kidding' face HAHA. I wont be depressed because I know he'll come back for sure and I really hope he'll take good care of himself and come back safely in one piece despite all the horrible trainings. He said now its not the time to be sad but instead, treasure the rest of the time we have left till the 21st. I know he hopes that I'll be strong and I'll because I dont want him to worry about me all the time when he's over there. School'll probably be draining and I'll be a busy bee so there's actually not much time to be depressed anyway. And more importantly, I know friends will definitely be there no matter what. So honestly there's nothing much to be moody about and 5 weeks will breeze past faster than expected. When he's back, it'll be end Sept and less than 2 months time, he'll be done with army! Something to rejoice about! After typing this entire paragraph, my heart feels more settled and I believe everything'll turn out fine :)

LOVE.

2008-07-28T14:33:00.002+08:00

Bidding has started. And being the ever decisive me, I am still pondering about what modules I should take. Too many pros and cons to weigh and its really bothering. ARGH.

I'm beginning to get used to my lianzZz hair HAHA. Maybe after looking at it for some time, my mop of hair doesnt seem too indecent anymore. Its a matter of getting used to.

I HAVE WORK/TUITION LATER! And I'm feeling quite lazy about it. Supposed to be there to relieve another tutor but no work was prepared and hopefully I am able to find stuff for the kids to do for 1.5hrs. It feels weird to be teaching on a weekday and I am wondering how did I deal with it for the entire 8-9 months after A's.

It just struck me last night that school's starting in 2 weeks time and I'm so NOT looking forward to 11th August:( Timetable's going to be real hectic and I hope I can still find time to breathe when school starts. Cant imagine the same routine's going to start again, from lectures to tutorials, REPORTS, projects, midterms and EXAMS. OHMYGOD. I should start bracing myself for all the shit that will be coming real soon:(

I have pictures to upload but as usual I'm lazy (what's new anyway haha).

I dont want 22nd August to come though I know I'll be fine. I will miss you bad even when you are digging shellscrape (or however you spell it) in thailand's jungle.

2008-07-21T14:26:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling a little vexed because of ____'s woes. things are taking a bad turn and i dont know if they are going to be better anytime soon:( SIGH this is depressing. I wish ter is out now so I can just pour out everything that is bottled up in me. And the rain is not making things any better. You know sometimes I wish I am somewhere else instead of here.

And I must decide my modules by today.

2008-07-18T23:26:00.003+08:00

Its 18th July once again:) And I still remember exactly one year ago, I was blogging about how busy I was rushing from place to place beacuse it was my dad's plus stella's birthdays. One new addition on this special day, its Collen's birthday as well. But this year, I have tried to spend more time at home with my dad, which kind of relieve a little of my guilt for staying out till late with or without the car these 2 weeks. Anyway, I met up with terence this afternoon and we went to shop for my dad's birthday cake. And since there was a discount going on at emicakes, we decided to get the Durian Espresso cake! It was really good; the durian fillings are entirely and wholly pure durian paste and the darker brown part of the cake which is the coffee, has a tinge of bitterness which kind of complement the sweetness of the durian paste. It was just... Awesome.

Besides that, I was out yesterday with the uni friends to celebrate Collen's 20th! Happy Birthday buf! Had a great dinner catching up and I cant believe we were actually discussing which modules to take because CORS has finally updated their modules info page and looks like a 4 day work week is still possible in year 2. I have tried browsing through that modules info page but I got tired of it cause I dont know what core modules I should do in the next semester. How is it possible to find something manageable and yet have good lecture timeslots? SIGH i hate bidding. CORS is just depressing but I'll figure something out I guess.

Anyway, I have been out everyday because ter has been clearing his leave and we've been driving around alot (and eating alot because I have been reading food blogs and taking down addresses for our food ventures) lately. We have been out but as usual, we hardly take any pictures when we are out and we are happy and comfortable with it. Haha but I do have alot of photos of food we have been pigging out on and I'm too lazy to upload anymore pictures of food. On wednesday, I picked Jason, Nicholas and Ter up from compasspoint and we headed to JK for prata, sent Nic off to camp and dropped Jason off and then headed to bugis to do a little shopping with Ter. By the way, getting from Bugis to Queensway and trying to escape the ERP gantries is a total bitch seriously. Haha other than that, the street directory has been doing its job, ter has been giving directions well and I have been trying to park decently :) AND I realise when I drive home late at night, I tend to speed when the roads are clear and I secretly like that kind of little thrill. Just hope it wont get me into any trouble :) I'm so so happy ter passed his driving today till he said its as if I'm the one who passed the test! But still, YAY :D

Okay, I better hop onto bed soon, since I have to wake up really early in the morning and head to MOE with my parents and my uncle for some agreeement signing. Then it will be lunch and home to nap before setting off to Corrine's 21st birthday party at Coasta Sands with the family. Goodnight world!

2008-07-15T00:04:00.002+08:00

I am feeling very hungry and currently am drooling over all the pictures of food in hisfoodblog and ieatishootipost! AND i have a craving for a plate of succulent and fragrant chicken rice now. OMG what is wrong with me, why am i craving for chicken rice at such unearthly hour?! maybe i'll try stuffing my face with raspberry viennese or krispies then i will go to bed.

Alright enough rantings, goodnight world!

2008-07-14T17:09:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates! Been busy doing nothing productive these 2 weeks :) Well, I think I should blog more since in less than a month's time, school is going to start and the blues will set in perpetually then:( I think my social life will be largely compromised which will be so tragic. Shant think of it now and hope I can enjoy the rest of the holidays without worries!

Chilling at Chris's once again when sm's back!(about time). Its been long since I last talked to her and its cool cause everything's pretty much the same. But that day was a stuff-our-faces day, cant remember much except the chomps, RK pratas, DURIANS, booze and snacks ocassionally. Yes, all these in ONE night; kinda impressive huh. More chillouts to look forward to!

10 promises to my dog with buffy and gosh, i think its the 1st time i actually cried (not just tears flowing down but plus sobbing, so embarrassing i know) in a cinema. Maybe I have exaggerated but yeah, the movie was super sad. perhaps its because I have lina, so everything became more emotional than it was supposed to be.

This was last night at Peter's 22nd birthday party! It was great fun with the uni friends once again. Mahjong, boozes and chit-chats :) ANDDDDD the pizzas made by peter's mum were really great! She's like my idol totally, I wish I can bake pizzas, cheesecakes and chocolate cakes as well as she did! and she's so amiable, which reminded of my grandmother's resemblance:)

This week's gonna be pretty packed as well. Will update again with photos when I have the time. and I know i owe alot of people photos on facebook but i'm too lazy to do it now. soon i promise!
Off to have an early dinner and go pick up my sister from her school!

2008-06-30T09:20:00.004+08:00

I'm up so early because i got awoken by the itch all over my body. i have like weird red large and unsightly patches all over, its so fugly :( i need to see a doctor when it opens soooooon. this weird itch/rash is going to spoil my plans for the day ahhhhhh, i need to stop scratching :(

Anyway, i havent been uploading photos on facebook because i'm feeling damn lazy about it. so here are some photos i took over the past couple of weeks.

Sentosa with XY sometime back. It was really fun catching up at the beach though the rain upsetted our plans. then it was off to meet up with the rest of the uni friends for dinner at kim gary's.
Popeyes and a little unfruitful shopping with BUF in town. And we ended our day off with toasts and milktea from xinwang hk cafe. stuffed to the brim.

Its been long since I last blogged about food. YUM. haha this was bakerzin with stella. thought the apple crumble was just alright and we blew away by the cakes from Rive. And I wished I'm doing my hair with her today:(

I shall eat my sweet potatoes and head to bed soon. Hopefully the patches will be gone by then!

2008-06-29T19:56:00.004+08:00

i'm not exactly feeling too good about life now. i dont like this coming week. sometimes i just feel i try too hard; i dont even know why i'm doing these for. i stood by the window in the kitchen after dinner today, and the wind blew hard into my face, brought back some memories which didnt make me feel any better. i'm going to take days off to think. life can be a challenge sometimes. maybe i dont have to know why i'm being judged for. and only if you were less pesky and stop irritating the shit out of me, if you were wiser with your words i'll probably not be feeling this way, and sometimes mums can nothing but pains in the ass. i'm sorry for this angst entry, this is why i say life isnt exactly smooth all the time. its time like this i feel like cutting myself away from the world.

maybe chocolates will help this time HAHA.

2008-06-22T20:12:00.002+08:00

I think I just let go of a great opportunity to do something to my hair. SIGH I'm in a freaking dilemna. Plus I feel really mean for rejecting that guy ARGH :( Should I or should I not? What if the damn hair turns out to be disastrous? OH MAN.

My sis told me to just follow my heart. And I really hope I will.

2008-06-22T15:10:00.002+08:00

I just watched some tragic true love story on the tv. and i kinda teared because its way too touching.

something's weighing my mind down; though i dont exactly know what is it. or maybe its a lot of things. aiya i dont knowwwww man.

and honestly, i dont like to judged too much.

i'm rethinking about the question collen asked me at popeye's that day.

i just hope you realise the importance of it all.

2008-06-18T23:25:00.007+08:00

Hmmm all of a sudden, I realised I feel the most comfortable talking to c as compared to k and p. Common interests I guess. Its kinda like weird but its true friendships do change.

Saddening huh.

A dream last night
Feeling swarmed back
That's when I realised
It's not over.
Not at all.

Lets take it at a different level altogether.

2008-06-15T23:34:00.006+08:00

Alright this shall be a pictures filled post since I'm feeling bored and not sleepy yet. Its bad habit to sleep at 3 plus every night.

This was results cum SATC day with Collen. And I still remember those frantic moments we she had at cine and bk when she insisted on checking her results via sms then. I'm glad I held back because i wouldnt be able to enjoy the movie if I checked.

Ms Clarity with xy and collen. They are by far 2 of my few favourite girls in school and guess its saddening some of us are going on different paths come next sem. But we can all still meet up easily so it may not be that bad afterall.

Met up with HuShing to celebrate her 20th at Wheelock's Fish N Co. Come to think of it, we didnt even meet up at all during our jc years after we left tk but we still feel very comfortable with each other. Haha how often do you get such close knitted friends? Guess some friendships really do not change no matter what, its so heartwarming!

Starbucks with KaiJia and Collen on a random day last week. I miss kj alot; she's my going-home cum lets-complain-about-1161 buddy! Super hardworking and I'm happy for her results too! She's like my motivator for the previous semester haha :)

STELLAwoolala! Haha that's what we used to call her back in lower sec days and I'm super thankful for this girl because there's nothing we cant talk about under the sun. Someone who will patiently listen to your complaints and come up with interesting stories to entertain you as well. My favourite htht mate :)

Latest meetup with BUF last friday for some shopping and comfort (because of _________, i'll let you know if ure supposed to know) Anyway, I didnt know my eyes can be this big though this is such an unglam photo.

Yup so this is roughly it for the past 2 weeks, besides meeting up with FJ on one random Sunday, with Kenneth for a movie and of course, the usuals. OH we had supper last night at Siglap area and before that we were all the singapore pools betting on the spain and sweden match. You know I know nuts about any soccer crap but I still betted on the same slip with auch and pat for a 2-2 and another 2 slips with ter for total goals 3 and 4. So in the end i only won a twiny winy bit for one but lost overall. HAHA i still cant believe i actually followed the guys to chill at some bar for alcohols and watched the entire match till 2! woah this is getting quite coooool hahaha.

Not many plans for the week ahead but well, I think I will still find something to keep myself occupied in the end. But for now its ter again tomorrow!

2008-06-12T16:38:00.002+08:00

I have nothing else better to do at home today I decided to view all my photos from the past 1 plus year or so taken with people. And... sadly I feel that I have aged. I think I'm beginning to look haggard :(

Anyway I had a HTHT with stella last night and it was good. It really warms my heart to have such talks with close ones and somehow we have reached a consensus about not understanding what some ______ are thinking about! HAHA. Lets meet up again soon!

Looks like I wont be able to go jogging today because Im going over to cp to meet teddylzy. OH NO im secretly afraid of tomorrow :(

2008-06-09T00:31:00.001+08:00

Too frank for my liking.

2008-06-06T00:08:00.003+08:00

Parcels finally arrived today! some stuff are great but i felt a little disappointed by one of the tops i got though i think i'll still wear it out :) anyway, i have been having secret dates with buf + different companies for the past 2 days. caught up alot which was really good. BUF i think we need time out alone for ourselves soon!

I'm feeling damn full now, from our dim sum dinner and the durians my dad bought back. Nothing's on tomorrow so i think i'll just stay at home to finish up my work, clear the piles on my table and my bursting wardrobe. i cant stand it; my mum's starting to nag about me having too many clothes again! AIYA.

It feels good to know what I really want and to be able to do whats important instead of whats not. I'm 100% confirmed I'm not crossing over to applied after the disastrous experience of 1161.
I'm really thankful for having yr trust and confidence in me all these while :)

2008-06-02T22:43:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I just feel I'm caught in the middle. I guess from now on I need to refrain myself to make myself feel better. I BETTER KEEP THIS IN MIND.

Sometimes I say things I dont mean and I get a really awful feeling after saying such stuff. Why am I always contradicting myself? OH MAN.

Sometimes I tend to think too much. And I really hope I'm wrong. CHEER UP OKAY.

TERENCELINZIYANG IS A LAZY PIG. A MAJOR ONE.
hahahaha <3

2008-06-02T01:02:00.002+08:00

HELLO!
hmm its been long yet again. Been busy going out the whole of last week and I'm finally going to take a break on tuesday. GSS has been pretty much boring; havent get much from shopping and I dont think I will anyway since I have been splurging on online shopping with Collen. Its so great when normal postage fees are waived for this GSS season and some stuff are really great, too good to resist! I can hardly wait for my parcels to arrive!

Sex and the city on results day with BUF was good. And I really feel the pain when Sarah Jessica Parker was ditched on the wedding day. Oh man, that better not happen to me HAHAHA. Really envy the great friendships the four of them shared in the movie. It makes me wonder how would life be like for me in another 20 years hahaha.

Went over to ter's to help carol with her bio. hahaha honestly i was trying to smoke through most of the time because i cant really remember alot about secondary bio. And i'm kind of glad i'm in chem actually. anyway, i realised i rather spend my weekends shopping at parkway and lazing at ter's than hitting the town and get all tired admist the crowd. we are lazy bummers hahaha.

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

2008-05-21T15:37:00.003+08:00

Days have been really busy and hectic, I hardly have time to sit down and update properly.
Holidays so far have been awesome; meeting and catching with friends I havent in ages and like what I was telling my sister last night, the older you get, its only natural to treasure old friendships more. really thankful for everyone of them :)

Some pictures over these 2 weeks of holidays.

I want to take a nap now, I'm tired :)

2008-05-14T22:19:00.003+08:00

I realise as I grow older, I'm lacking the courage to face such issues.
Maybe I should just stop ______.
Because, honestly, I do not like what I'm feeling now.
I hope this disgusting feeling will fade away soon enough.

Anyway, we caught Harold and Kumar today and it was dumb. Thank goodness I have only paid 6bucks for it because its not worth any cent of my money and the entire show is dumb and stupid.

I cant wait for this Saturday; major gossip time with Collen after trail training.

It is indeed true how some friendships are so fragile and can be changed so easily. More importantly, how can one fall for another in such a short span of time? Then again, its none of my business, so lets just heck so long as I'm happy and satisfied with my own life :)

I'm tired; heading bed now.