When I tell myself this is the end of it, I'm promising you with all my heart and all I have.
And really, this is the end of the everything. No more, no turning back.

I'm going to bed with this promise, so won't forget come daylight.

Have been MIA for the longest time ever i know. partly cause i have been blogging somewhere else instead.

Life's been treating me well. G is finishing his exams tmr and it really calls for a celebration! it's been a busy 6 weeks ever since we stepped into the holidays. And tmr'll be a double joy for us!

Think its time to let some truth out. Truth is, I'm not intending to care about what strangers/accquaintances/closed-friends-turned-accquaintances think of me anymore. that's because i lead my own life and as long as i'm happy with what i do, who i'm with and where i go, i see no point in caring about your judgements. and i also realised there's nothing holding me back in the past anymore. i am truly happy because somethings have totally lost their significance and when i look at them again, there're no longer any memories attached to them.

Not much needed to elaborate on this issue anymore. I believe as much as a person goes around hiding the truth, at the end of the day, this piece of truth and conscience will bite him on his back. And what mattered was you know and i know. I guess there's not much need to explain to third parties but then again, nothing about this is my concern anymore. i'll thinking of abandoning this blog because i'm leading a new life and i need these memories no more.

And for all these, I gotta thank some people. People who lent me a helping hand in their own ways and most importantly, K. Thank you for always trying to guide an occasionally lost soul like me. Thanks for being everything he wasn't.

I'm giving thanks.

j

'cause i got time while he got freedom,

cause when the heart breaks, no it don't break even.

not very intelligent of me to come online and read about how people are basking in their holidays while misery will only end in 4 days time:(

SIGH. 4th May, you have been clearly marked out on my calender for quite some time.

Lab manuals and reports are driving me nuts!
I can't even recall what I just read:(

Argh.

Cant wait for thursday to be over, seriously.

BM presentation is finally over! glad everything went well! guess they call this the after-presentation high:)

love nana, buf and mun!

Been in a pensive mood lately but I just can't find any appropriate time to do it. The many things I witnessed at both home and school and the many things I heard about others have resulted in many many accumulated thoughts about many issues. I could actually tell someone about it but I'm afraid it'll just make me seem so petty and inappropriate.

Lil fell sick the past few days and I'm worried. Then it struck me hard age has caught up with her and even though she's still fine and bubbly now, I should start prepping myself to face the day she has to leave me for good. I was at the bus stop waiting for my bus to go home last evening and was fine until I saw this couple standing by the bus stop with the girl hugging on to the guy and crying. Sad to say, bad memories came haunting me back again and it really doesn't help when songs-not-meant-to-be-heard-ever-again are playing on the playlist. It really makes me wonder how random a randomised playlist can get. Then I texted you and told you how I'm still so afraid of the feeling when people/things i love leave me.

Been having too many weird dreams, sometimes I really can't differentiate what's real and what's not. I can't say I'm not loved but sometimes I really wonder whether you truly know what I'm facing/going through in my life. And that when there's an extra gain, I'm the last one you would think of or even not at all. I don't know what it is that differentiates me from the rest. My great independence? The superficial appearance that I'm coping really well? You have no right to judge really because you have no idea how I'm struggling just to live like a normal being. This 4 years has really been tiring and I never ever complained to you before, have I? I wish I can have you out of my life so I don't need to know that you are acting like you care. So that I dont have to face so much difficulties broaching up some issues with the others which made me seem all so petty and hostile. But I know its all impossible, because ties like these are un-breakable or thats what they claim. Sometimes I tell myself I should be honoured that you treat me the way you do but on tough and harsh days I just feel so deserted. I don't know if I'm asking for the impossible, but I just want to be treated equally and not be somebody who did you proud despite the minimal effort you took to get me to where I'm today.

Things just seem like a great disappointment lately.

BM presentation and report due this tuesday. AAS and CV reports due these coming 2 weeks as well. TM test 2 next week. And many many nitty stuff to clear too:(