Its my birthday and I'm feeling ______.

But still, I still want to thank everyone for their well wishes. I did feel loved. And ter is just... way beyond..... a cup of saturated sugar solution. I can never ever match up. Haha.

I hope 9th oct comes like now. Besides friends and loved ones, everything else in my life has plunged deep down to the core. Honestly I do not enjoy doing all these shit at all. It just too much for me to take it, and I'm sure everyone else will agree to this too. Today we were chatting and Nad told me her schedule for the next few weeks to come, needless to say, it's really gonna be mind gruelling for her to handle all these work. OMG I really need a break. A good long break :(

Hello world. Havent blog in ages; so much have happened during this time but I actually dont know where and how to start. Anyway, Ter was gone in thailand and now he's back, sm came and left. I was busy and sadly still busy with school:( This recess week felt worse than any other school break with so many mid term tests and projects and reports to do:( Meetups with friends were compromised so much even though I really wanted to meet them. These 5 weeks without ter made me learnt a lot about myself, both good and bad ways I suppose. Okay I dont know what else to say anymore so I'm going to try hit the books and hopefully try to get something by tonight.

I dont know when was the last time I actually cried because I'm feeling damn upset. Cause right now I'm and I dont know how I can stop tears from flowing down my cheeks. The moment I stepped home, my mum got agitated over my messy room. Comments here and there and finally she said, 'free only, sleep'. And that started it all. Of course I rebutted but the more I did, my voice became shakier and I couldnt control my tears. I actually told her if she thinks studying's that easy, I will be happy to et her take over my place. Then I went to shower and thought through a whole lot. Seriously I'm feeling damn hurt, even till now. You know I had a really really tiring day in school today. I really dont know why I'm doing all these for. Why am I studying hard so I can continue with my teaching award, so I can graduate with a decent honours for a better future? Why do I even make an effort to force myself out of my bed every saturday and sunday so that I can earn my own pocket money and not spending a single cent of yours? But when I'm napping cause I'm tired from studying, you see me as loafing around. Perhaps if all these happened on a normal school day I wouldnt be feeling so emotional and upset and I may even joke about it cause I really dont think this is what I deserve after standing for almost 7 hours non stop in the damn lab today. I'm so mentally exhausted; I was really just looking forward to some peace at home but no. Thanks a lot mum. You totally made my day, though there's not much left of it.

Okay I have stopped tearing, finally. I'm so tired, both mentally and physically.