What if I want out now?

I'm sorry for being such a cold woodblock the entire night.
Like I always believe, you really should deserve someone better and that's honestly not a difficult task at all.

Hate what I'm feeling now. Grrrrrrrrr.

Been thinking about back to blogging religiously again cause I have been reading many blogs and thought it would be nice to actually have something which can recount what happened when I was younger. But it seems like I have passed the phase when I would blog about my daily life and whatever haps along with it. Oh well, we shall see.

And results were out today. It was above my expectations; maybe cause I set a really low target this time round. And.... weird thing was my parents thought I was upset with my results and came in one by one to comfort me, telling me it's already very good and that I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself and blahhhhhhhh. Its really quite queer since they never did anything close to this before and I had to tell them I'm not upset actually. Funny.

This holiday. Its been a rollercoaster really. I haven't been a good daughter, I haven't been a good friend to some. I have been focusing a whole lot on some issues, past and current. Some issues are screwing my mind up and I'm in desperate need to reprioritise my focus in life. Somethings I realise I haven't quite exactly get over as much as I think I had. Some people whom I grew to treasure and love more while watching some drift away. People come, people go. Everyday has been whizzing past and these few days have been good with the special people in my life:) We have spent last night and today together and it was a revival of our post A's days and it felt really good. Fat sluts anthems sang in unison and good food shared along with major bitching/catching up sessions. Love this group of people and food and mj wouldn't be the same with anyone else:)

The usuals. Another group of people whom I'm steady with for a damn long time. Friends whom I know I can count on and they were there for me when I needed them. Not much spoken but we know how much everyone of us appreciate each another despite laughing and getting pissed off by one another at times.

BUF. Nothing much needed to be said cause she's always there for me when I needed someone to talk to, be it serious or nonsense. School would probably be really shitty without her company and thanks for making things so much better buf! you know I'm always here for you too and I love you much:) Thanks for understanding me so well and know how I feel even when I don't breathe a word sometimes.

JJ. Another friendship of 8 years which I really treasure. Thanks for being someone so steady I know I really can count on no matter what. Really a significant someone who did so much to pull me up together when I was down and out. No words can express how thankful I'm for everything you have done for me and for us. I know our friendship will last a lifetime:)

K. I know you don't even know about the existence of this blog but despite the short amount of time we actually got to know each other, I dare say you're someone I would turn to when I'm down and when all I need is a listening ear. Thanks for never giving up on me all these while:)

DT. My fellow major big fan of Sheldon:) You're somebody I can really connect to and speak my mind without qualms and a big thankyou for being special the way you are, for the constant encouragements and advices you gave and for the jokingly establised pact you made just to cheer me up. I'll miss you when you are gone for the next few months:(

Vera. Never found anyone sharing such a similar life like I do and I'm really really awfully thankful we had each other through the bad times and hopefully the good ones too! Thanks for making me see things I fail to see and I'll always be there for you when you need someone okay! Love you much:)

And many more people whom I like to mention but I haven't meet up with them! So till then, I will do another update again before the year ends:)

Thank you for everything.

And the solitary moments make me wanna come back home.

I miss lil. I hope she loved the fishballs I brought for her yesterday. Come back home to us you poor girl.

Life's been pretty complex lately. And results are gna be out really soon, which means holidays are ending.

I need to meet up with more people before the school rush again.

Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away?

Life's been pretty happening these days. Some days I just wished I can have more time on hand, so that good times can last longer. But then again, its always the insufficient time we spent together which makes us look forward to the next meetup isn't it? And seems like much time will be set aside for the usuals this hols, all for the final reunion before we continue to move on and fight for our different dreams. Really glad I feel like home when I'm with this bunch of people, I think I can even call them my brothers (due to the lackof brotherly love at home). My really steady steady friends:) and I'm pretty sure the rest feel the same way too.

Nad's cocktail 21st party this fri! Time to wreck over what to wear again. See that's the problem with themed parties.

I had a really crazy crazy night a few days back I still can't believe it.

I think I'm not leading a life a normal 21 year old should be.

Feel like giving it all up.

And dont judge, dont ask me why.

Its sad how I'm running away from many issues on my hand right now.
To think I was the never the kind who would coward away from problems.
I wish I have the courage and I wish you are back here with me.

Never thought I will ever say this, but I miss you.