BM presentation is finally over! glad everything went well! guess they call this the after-presentation high:)

love nana, buf and mun!

Been in a pensive mood lately but I just can't find any appropriate time to do it. The many things I witnessed at both home and school and the many things I heard about others have resulted in many many accumulated thoughts about many issues. I could actually tell someone about it but I'm afraid it'll just make me seem so petty and inappropriate.

Lil fell sick the past few days and I'm worried. Then it struck me hard age has caught up with her and even though she's still fine and bubbly now, I should start prepping myself to face the day she has to leave me for good. I was at the bus stop waiting for my bus to go home last evening and was fine until I saw this couple standing by the bus stop with the girl hugging on to the guy and crying. Sad to say, bad memories came haunting me back again and it really doesn't help when songs-not-meant-to-be-heard-ever-again are playing on the playlist. It really makes me wonder how random a randomised playlist can get. Then I texted you and told you how I'm still so afraid of the feeling when people/things i love leave me.

Been having too many weird dreams, sometimes I really can't differentiate what's real and what's not. I can't say I'm not loved but sometimes I really wonder whether you truly know what I'm facing/going through in my life. And that when there's an extra gain, I'm the last one you would think of or even not at all. I don't know what it is that differentiates me from the rest. My great independence? The superficial appearance that I'm coping really well? You have no right to judge really because you have no idea how I'm struggling just to live like a normal being. This 4 years has really been tiring and I never ever complained to you before, have I? I wish I can have you out of my life so I don't need to know that you are acting like you care. So that I dont have to face so much difficulties broaching up some issues with the others which made me seem all so petty and hostile. But I know its all impossible, because ties like these are un-breakable or thats what they claim. Sometimes I tell myself I should be honoured that you treat me the way you do but on tough and harsh days I just feel so deserted. I don't know if I'm asking for the impossible, but I just want to be treated equally and not be somebody who did you proud despite the minimal effort you took to get me to where I'm today.

Things just seem like a great disappointment lately.

BM presentation and report due this tuesday. AAS and CV reports due these coming 2 weeks as well. TM test 2 next week. And many many nitty stuff to clear too:(

'I wasn't even sure if I loved you yet. But at that moment, I knew you were different. You weren't like the other guys. You didn't rush me or make me feel bad for pushing you away. You were patient.

Patiently waited for me until I was ready. Ready in every way to have you in my life.'

Now that I finally have some free time on hand, I have been thinking about certain issues in my life during long journeys. And in fact there's so much I want to talk about but yet I have no idea how and where to start from. Whatever it is, I'm glad I managed to share some of the joys and sorrows in my life with the close ones and it really feels good knowing they are there for you no matter what. That they dont judge and are more than happy to just sit down and listen to my grumblings. Really appreciate the friendships with this group of guys. Its really sweet thinking about the fact that we really watched each other grow up.

And yeah, guess its really pointless getting affected over some issues on certain dates from now on. Afterall, they are just dates which are not even worth reminiscing anymore. I have straightened out my thoughts and I know that I should be focusing on the present and future instead. I was reading through my past entries and I remembered saying something about there's a brand new life awaiting me out there. And so... I have officially taken on the challenge to make this brand new life right this time round.

With that, its now back to report rushing/bm proj essay and whatever shit work that has piled up over the weeks:(

This anniversary will never be the same.

because the end of something bad is the start of something good :)

Can't wait for friday to be here now!

It's moments like these, I feel I want nothing from nobody at all.
I wish I have a hideout.
I wish I have someone to hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay.

do you ever think about me? do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
everytime the phone rings, do you wish it'd be me calling you?