Been in a pensive mood lately but I just can't find any appropriate time to do it. The many things I witnessed at both home and school and the many things I heard about others have resulted in many many accumulated thoughts about many issues. I could actually tell someone about it but I'm afraid it'll just make me seem so petty and inappropriate.

Lil fell sick the past few days and I'm worried. Then it struck me hard age has caught up with her and even though she's still fine and bubbly now, I should start prepping myself to face the day she has to leave me for good. I was at the bus stop waiting for my bus to go home last evening and was fine until I saw this couple standing by the bus stop with the girl hugging on to the guy and crying. Sad to say, bad memories came haunting me back again and it really doesn't help when songs-not-meant-to-be-heard-ever-again are playing on the playlist. It really makes me wonder how random a randomised playlist can get. Then I texted you and told you how I'm still so afraid of the feeling when people/things i love leave me.

Been having too many weird dreams, sometimes I really can't differentiate what's real and what's not. I can't say I'm not loved but sometimes I really wonder whether you truly know what I'm facing/going through in my life. And that when there's an extra gain, I'm the last one you would think of or even not at all. I don't know what it is that differentiates me from the rest. My great independence? The superficial appearance that I'm coping really well? You have no right to judge really because you have no idea how I'm struggling just to live like a normal being. This 4 years has really been tiring and I never ever complained to you before, have I? I wish I can have you out of my life so I don't need to know that you are acting like you care. So that I dont have to face so much difficulties broaching up some issues with the others which made me seem all so petty and hostile. But I know its all impossible, because ties like these are un-breakable or thats what they claim. Sometimes I tell myself I should be honoured that you treat me the way you do but on tough and harsh days I just feel so deserted. I don't know if I'm asking for the impossible, but I just want to be treated equally and not be somebody who did you proud despite the minimal effort you took to get me to where I'm today.

Things just seem like a great disappointment lately.

BM presentation and report due this tuesday. AAS and CV reports due these coming 2 weeks as well. TM test 2 next week. And many many nitty stuff to clear too:(